Why?

On a scale of 1 to 10, today has been a 10. But, that is not a good thing. Because it was a 10 on the "This day sucks" scale. I don't know why. I woke up feeling like I just couldn't cope with anything today. And, of course, Ian choose today to push every button that he could think of to push. I was screaming at him before 10AM. I failed miserably at parenting today. And, knowing that, made the day even worse. I know getting that upset with him doesn't work. But, I just couldn't stop myself today. I was so worked up that I honestly thought about locking him in his room so that I wouldn't hurt him. We had a serious talk after he had pushed me to tears. He finally got it and backed off. The afternoon went fairly well, but the damage was done. I don't know what makes some days like this. Will I ever not be angry with Mark for dying and leaving me to deal with all this crap?!?!? Admittedly, the anger is not all consuming like it used to be. But days like today make that anger rear it's ugly head. Why do I have to wake up that way? Why can't I know that's the kind of day it will be and just not let it get worse? Why?