Ramblings of a tired brain

I have had several blogs running around in my brain over the last few days. I couldn't make up my mind where to start and I still don't know. Meanwhile, we have had some family controversy that has drawn my attention away from making a decision about the next blog entry. So, I decided to just ramble and combine them all into one. Here we go...

First, I want to say a few things about Kieren. Over the past week, I have spent a significant amount of time with Sam and Kieren as Mark has been gone on a trip to Italy. She is a truly amazing child. I can't help but think about the day in December when we first met. And, then I begin think about how she has grown since then.

On December 11, 2005, Kieren was carried into a conference room and handed to Sam. There was a lot leading up to that point, but when she was actually handed over, it was pretty calm. You could tell she was so sick. She was tenative with all of us and eventually fell asleep. When we got back to the hotel, she began exploring and that has never stopped! The next days in the hotel were a challenge for all of us. Kieren was sick and we all had to deal with the STANK. But even though we had that to deal with, she endeared herself to us with her smile and generally happy disposition.

Over the last 9 months, I have watched her get taller and taller. I have watched how happy she is with life. I have seen her fearlessness develop. (Yes, I mean fearless. The child will climb to the highest spot and dive off every chance she gets.) I have seen the love that she receives and gives easily flow through her. She always has a quick smile for Aunt Heather. She shares anything she is playing with willingly. She is very imaginative and can make anything into a toy. And, she is particularly entertaining when she rides in the car next to Ian. (She makes sure he is okay by patting his knee all the time. If he fusses, she pushes the button for his music. She pats his face dry with his burp cloth and tries to put his pacifier back in when he spits it out. I am going to try to get it on video tape over the next week. He's going to hate her 'mothering' when he gets bigger!)

It has been truly amazing to watch her grow and to see her personality come forward. I can hardly wait to see what the next year will bring for her.

Second, Alex is on a school field trip. He has driven me crazy over the past week. I could tell he was apprehensive about going on this trip, but excited too. His entire class left this morning for Glen Helen and will not return until Friday afternoon. I can hardly wait to experience the smell of pre-teen boy after camping for 2 days without someone making him shower. Maybe, he will be walking home from school on Friday....

Mark has been driving me crazy trying to decide on what speakers he wants for his home theater system. He purchased the receiver and line conditioner a few months ago. But, because he can't make up his mind about the speakers, the receiver is still in the box! Why is this such a hard decision?!?!

I started back to work about 6 hours a week in August. I don't know who I am fooling thinking that my job can be done in that amount of time. I wasn't able to do everything in 40 hours let alone 6-10 a week! I am getting the important stuff done, but feel that my to do list never gets shorter. It is very frustrating, but I can't let it get to me because I am not willing to give up any more time to work. The few hours I am spending away from Ian actually make me appreciate him even more. I miss him terribly when I am gone, but know that my time with him at home is even more precious. My job is part of who I am. As much as I bitch about it, I still love it and the constantly changing stimulation it provides to my type A personality. I am 37 years old and was pretty set in my life before Ian was even an idea. So, it was very hard to go from that level of stimulation to being home all day long with him. Also, I have found that since I am getting out to work that I am more willing to motivate on other days. I was staying primarily in one end of my house and never getting out of my pajamas. Not my personality at all!!! Things that I need to get done at home are still not getting done. Oh well! I am more interested in spending the time with Ian than cleaning my house. The dirt will be there another day!

My final rambling is about entitlements. But, I think I will save that one for tomorrow. I am too tired to get my thoughts on this issue into order. I will just leave you with this: Why do people feel that they are entitled to things?